So, there’s a lot that I really DON’T do well as an educator. I LOVE to write and even wanted to be a writer instead of a teacher, but I STRUGGLE with teaching students how to do it. I really don’t love informational text, I’ve been known to visually assess rather than collect papers, and when it comes right down to it, teaching my ESL students is plain HARD because I LOVE THEM WITH MY WHOLE HEART and feel HORRIBLE that I cannot communicate with them effectively. I’m just now learning how to say “glue this in your notebook” in a different language!
HOWEVER, if there’s one area where I am always fairly confident that I’ll keep my job, it’s classroom management.
Recently, a dear friend of mine was riding the students-won’t-shut-their-mouths-or-respect-me struggle bus. WE’VE ALL BEEN THERE. During my first 3 years as a teacher, I honestly wasn’t even sure what kind of classroom management style that I had. Let’s face it, it’s really hard to do ALL of the paperwork, plan ALL of the lessons, grade ALL of the papers, discipline ALL of the crazy, call ALL of the mommas, chaperone ALL of the dances, games, etc., on top of being a wife/husband, sister/brother, friend, daughter/son, etc. I’m tired just typing all of that.
I’m definitely not the guru of all things “good children”. In fact, last week I confiscated a 1990 black and white Gameboy and had a child use the mother of all curse words toward me all before 8am. HOWEVER, I have come to a point where I am confident in my classroom management style and there is REAL, authentic learning happening in my classroom in every class period. Sure, I still have the “blessings” who are never going to respect anyone (including themselves) and there have been days that I wish I could pipe in Lavender through the ventilation system but I feel fairly confident giving some advice when it comes to how to tame the crazy.
I will preface this with not everyone agrees with my methods and some people I work with think I’m crazy. However, this is what I do to save my own sanity and push my students to be the super cool people that I know they can be.
Therefore, I give to you, my Top 5 Tips for Calming the Crazy.
- Love the heck out of them, and let them know it hurts.
It’s the age-old lesson that all teachers must learn – every child, even the one who you pour your heart, soul, and wallet into WILL eventually let you down. It’s part of life and it’s our utter downfall as humans – hurting those who love us most. When you come to terms with this, you’ll ultimately be a better teacher because this is the part that hurts. It’s the part where we must learn what it means to love unconditionally. I’ve cried more tears than I care to admit over students who hurt me to the core of my being whether it be through words, actions, incarcerations, lack of effort, absence, etc. I’ve suffered through most of it. I realized that a lot of the feelings of anger that I felt toward students were actually feelings of hurt or disappointment. It’s so funny how hurt can manifest in the form of rage. Now, as hard as it may be, and as much as it pains me, I tell my students who disrespect me, “I cannot believe you would treat me like that. Your behavior truly hurts my feelings.” Typically (not always), this makes them see the situation differently. They no longer have to be defensive, but rather thoughtful. I’m usually met with silence when I take this approach which is much better than yelling or cursing. I’ve also tried, “I’ve done nothing to disrespect you like that, so I do not know why you would disrespect me.” When students KNOW that you love them and enjoy having them in class (fake it til’ you make it, sister), they will not want to disappoint you. Hurting you will bother them far worse than feeling as if they’ve angered you. Most of them are accustomed to an angry household, they’ll tune it out and immediately be triggered if you play that same role.
If you simply cannot muster the strength to feign hurt when you are breathing the fire of rage, invest in a naughty notebook. This is probably my favorite classroom management technique. Have a notebook that looks official sitting on your desk. When a student disrespects you and you cannot find anything not anger-filled to say to them, silently walk over, take out the notebook, and start writing. Write down their name, what they did, what they said, and the date and time. Heck, even write in there what you would like to say to them. It helps if you pause every now and then, look up at the student silently, and continue writing. When you’re finished, simply place the notebook back on your desk and continue teaching without giving them any attention. Trust me, this confuses (and often scares) the heck out of them. I’ve had students say, “Can I ask what you’re writing?”. My favorite response is, “Worry about yourself.”
2. Become a Bus Throwing Champ.
Let’s be honest for a second – the atmosphere in our world today is very much a “blame game”. Many of our students have grown up in a time where all they know how to do is point a finger…which finger will vary. Now, as an educator, there are SO MANY THINGS that we cannot control. Let me count the ways that our public education system has me locked down: EOCs, Benchmarks, Data collecting, IEPs, 504s, PEPs, Calling alllllll the mommas, etc. (crying is still optional, but highly encouraged). I say all of this to remind you that many things that our students are instructed to do, we would NEVER come up with ourselves. SO TELL THEM THAT! Be honest with them and say, “Our state/county office/ etc. is making me do this, ya’ll. I would personally never do this, but we have to do it. I don’t like it either, but let’s push through and get through it together.” This evens the playing field and lets students know that you understand them and their frustration. It takes you out of the dictator’s position, and into a more genuine, compassionate authority figure who wants to work WITH them rather than DICTATE to them.
MOST students do not understand the constant pressure that educators are under on a daily basis. I don’t lie to my kids – I tell them when I get fussed at and when it hurts. I tell them that I get in trouble when they get in trouble. It’s not a magic “fix”, but it does help my students to see me as a “real” person and someone who knows some of the same issues that they face.
3. Do not accept apathy – from them or yourself.
Being in control is DIFFICULT. It is truly HARD WORK. It does not come from sitting at your desk and giving students a list of tasks to check off before they leave each day. In many cases, it takes being honest with yourself to get down to the REAL problem. About 4-5 years ago, I was going through a big, awful, crappy time in my personal life. I was so exhausted by the time I got to work that I literally just wanted to sit down, drink a coffee, and scroll through Pinterest. I was a CRAPPY teacher during this time and my students were BAD. I’m talking kicking trash cans, slamming doors, calling me names that I didn’t even know what they meant BAD. It wasn’t that I wasn’t lesson planning…I was. I was giving my students things to do, but I was rarely actively engaged. I would get angry when they took their phones out. I would yell when they wouldn’t talk quietly. I would take privileges away and they did.not.care. This was, BY FAR, the worst year of my teaching career. I didn’t understand it and I would constantly complain about these “horrible kids”. Even though this year was cry-to-my-momma awful, I learned more than ever.
Yes, children SHOULD be respectful and do their work no matter what. However, the bleak, dark, reality is that they simply are not going to. We must be teachers who leave home issues at home if we really want to see success in the classroom. It wasn’t my students’ fault that I was struggling, yet I accidentally took it out on them. You cannot expect your kids to be active learners if you aren’t an active teacher. Is it a pain to make new lessons that the kids don’t appreciate? Yes. Is it frustrating to have to walk around every minute of every class period and feel the sweat dripping down your back because you’re working so hard? Sure is. YET….When I got up, got to work, and showed my students my own engagement, my classroom completely transformed.
I was determined to not repeat the past (no matter what my bae, F. Scott Fitzgerald says) when I returned the next fall. I made sure I had at least 3 different activities planned each day (For example: Vocabulary Game on Quizlet.Live, Reading together, group analysis at stations), I wore my FitBit and set a number of steps to reach each class period, and I invested in a TON of sticky notes to write encouraging notes or “I’m so proud of you” notes to random students that I saw doing their best or going the extra mile. Things definitely didn’t magically change in one week, one month, even one semester. They DID, however, get better at a consistent pace and STAYED better. When I slacked, the kids slacked. When I got hype, so did they. Educating the future is definitely give and take, but if we won’t accept apathy from our students, we cannot accept in from ourselves either.
4. Be Real.
This seems simple enough, but it actually took me a while to understand it. You MUST develop your own style based on who you are and use it. If you aren’t naturally spunky and lovey-dovey your students will smell that BS from two hallways away. Be who you REALLY are. If you cannot STAND cell phone use – tell them. If you don’t mind cell phones but the thought of sleeping in class makes your skin crawl – LET THEM KNOW. When you tell them your pet peeves upfront, they won’t accidentally set you off and sever a relationship for the rest of the semester. Secondly, if you’re not a super, overbearing authority figure, don’t try to be. Love them through it. If you aren’t a big fan of the hugs and camaraderie, push competition in your classroom and praise the ones who “win” while pushing the others to fight for their right on the winner’s podium. This definitely doesn’t come easy – and YEARS into my career, I’m still figuring out my own style. Some days I want to squeeze my kids and adopt them, other days I want to squeeze them until they feel the pain they’ve been metaphorically inflicting on me. HA! I say all of this to truly mean that you must be genuine in whatever you choose to do. It simply will not work if it isn’t truly you. Keep working until you find out a behavior system that is your own and quit trying to find something cute on Pinterest, or something out of a professional development workbook to control your class.
5. Know Who is in Control and Stay Consistent
Nothing will work if you aren’t consistent. No matter who they are, how nice they’ve been, or who their mom is, you still have to hold them to the same level of accountability as that kid who kicks your car and carves your desks. Students NOTICE when you play favorites and there’s nothing that causes animosity more than this. They respect rules and consistency. In fact, they crave it. Also keep in mind that just because you may not agree with some rules set by your admin, OR some rules are HARD to implement – you still HAVE TO ENFORCE THEM. It is NOT an option. When you don’t enforce rules, it very plainly makes students disrespect you and it also makes other teachers who are enforcing them mad at you. (Refer to tip #1 if you need help enforcing a difficult rule set forth by admin.) Please keep in mind that you are the adult here and it is YOUR classroom. The power is in YOUR hands – even when you think it’s not. You may have to make an example out of someone, but once you do this ONE TIME (Preferably as close to the beginning of the semester as possible), I guarantee you that the issue will decline.
Again, I’m definitely no master teacher and I’ve been cursed more times than I like to admit. However, just know that there IS light at the end of the tunnel. As bad and as crazy as your students may seem, there is something that will alleviate the crazy. It may not dry it up and eliminate it, but it will help it. Some groups are tougher than others, and you will always have that handful that live to push your buttons. Keep in mind that for every wild child, there’s a kid in that room that needs you and truly wants to learn. It’s not fair for that child to be held back because another classmate is being crazy. Overall, know your kids, know yourself, and know that you are not alone.
Fight the good fight, ya’ll.
